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Hillary Clinton May Run For Second Term As President Of Her Imagination [Satire]

The following is satirical.

Hillary Clinton says she may decide to run for a second term as President of her Imagination. “I beat Trump once, I can beat him again,” said Mrs. Clinton, before falling off her barstool, rolling under a table, banging her head on a chair leg, and lapsing into a period of unconsciousness during which she dreamed that she really was president and all the people loved her so very, very much.

Mrs. Clinton made the remarks after Donald Trump sent out a tweet reminding his followers of Clinton’s history of corruption going back forty years.

“Those are all old, old stories,” Mrs. Clinton told a lamp-post while trying to figure out how to put on her coat. “The feds have been trying to nail me for years and the lousy screws have never put a finger on me, see, so eat lead, John Law, yeah, that’s right, that’s what I said, to hell with you G-men, if you think I’m gonna die in some hellhole of a prison, think again, coppers.”

Mrs. Clinton then climbed to the top of a gas storage facility waving a tommy gun and shouting “Top o’ the world, Ma!” before the facility exploded in a blinding ball of flame.

When Mrs. Clinton recovered consciousness, she issued a statement to what was either a bevy of reporters hanging on her every word, or a collection of Cabbage Patch Kids arranged on chairs to look like reporters, saying, “Ever since I beat Donald Trump in the last election, I’ve done such a great job as president, it’s a shame my administration was invisible to the American public because of the veil of illusion cast by an evil wizard who lives at the bottom of a bottle of Chardonnay. But one day, so help me, I’ll find that bottle and this nightmare will come to an end.”

Elizabeth Warren said she was eager for Hillary to join the race, so she’d no longer be the biggest liar running.

Related: Hillary Falsely Claims She Won 2016 Election, Suggests She Might Run Again

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Watch: Trump Shames NBA Coaches For ‘Pandering To China’

Kowtowing to Communists. Via Daily Wire: President Trump weighed in for the first time Wednesday on the ongoing NBA-China debacle by publicly shaming two high-profile coaches for “pandering to China.” Championship-winning coaches Steve Kerr and Gregg Popovich, said Trump, refuse to voice criticism of Communist China’s oppressive policies but seem to have no such hesitations […]

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Obamacare For Illegal Aliens Could Cost Taxpayers $23 Billion A Year, Study Shows

The federal government is running a nearly trillion-dollar deficit this fiscal year. The reason (and this isn’t complex): It spends more than it brings in.

When households go into the red, couples usually take a simple step — stop spending so much.

But not our government.

Case in point: A new study shows that taxpayers could have to pay out as much as $23 billion a year to give “Obamacare” health coverage to illegal aliens.

The Center for Immigration Studies (CIS) calculates that there are nearly 5 million illegals who would qualify for subsidies through the health care system created under the Affordable Care Act (ACA) by former president Barack Obama. The average cost would be about $4,500, so if all of them took the subsidies, it’d cost $22.5 billion.

Even if less than half enroll, it would still cost $10 billion.

“Many of the Democratic candidates for president have endorsed providing health insurance to illegal immigrants. This analysis estimates the cost of providing illegal immigrants access to the existing system of government health benefits for low-income people,” CIS writes.

“?We estimate that there are 4.9 million uninsured illegal immigrants with incomes low enough to qualify for Medicaid or Advanced Premium Tax Credits (APTC), which are the subsidies provided by the Affordable Care Act (ACA). Assuming a realistic enrollment rate, the cost of providing ACA subsidies to illegal immigrants would be about $10 billion per year, with costs rising to as much as $23 billion per year if all eligible illegal immigrants enrolled. Costs would be similar under a hybrid approach that provides Medicaid for the lowest-income illegal immigrants and ACA subsidies for those with higher incomes.”

CIS said continuing to allow foreigners to flow in illegally will create “a significant burden for taxpayers.”

“Numbers aside, the fact that presidential candidates are advocating spending billions of dollars on people who are in the country illegally is significant in its own right. It suggests that allowing in large numbers of less-educated workers will inevitably generate significant political pressure to provide them access to social programs. If there is significant political pressure to provide coverage to people in the country illegally, it seems almost certain that over time pressure will grow to provide healthcare to low-wage guestworkers and other ‘temporary’ immigrants as well.

“The high cost of providing healthcare to less-educated workers who earn modest wages is a reminder that tolerating illegal immigration or allowing such workers into the country legally is likely to create a significant burden for taxpayers,” CIS writes.

Cities are also being crushed by illegal aliens. Los Angeles County paid nearly $1.3 billion in welfare money during 2015 and 2016 to families of illegal aliens. That number amounts to one-​quarter of the total spent on the county’s entire needy population, according to Fox News.

In 2015, more than 58,000 families received $602 million in benefits. The next year, some 64,000 families received $675 million.

Meanwhile, new data from the U.S. Census Bureau shows that more than 22 million non-citizens now live in the United States.

The Bureau on Thursday released details from its annual American Community Survey. According to estimates extrapolated from data collected, 22.1 million are “not a U.S. citizen,” the data showed.

 

 

 

 

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Trump takes aim at ‘out-of-control bureaucracy’ with 2 new executive orders

President Donald Trump signed a pair of executive orders Wednesday afternoon with the goal of creating more transparency in the process of creating and promulgating federal regulations.

“Today, we take bold, new action to protect Americans from out-of-control bureaucracy and stop regulators from imposing secret rules and hidden penalties on the American people,” Trump said at the Wednesday afternoon signing at the White House.

One of the two executive orders bars federal agencies from skipping the cost-benefit analysis and avoiding public comment when issuing legally binding requirements related to laws and regulations and requires that “guidance documents” be treated as “non-binding both in law and in practice.”

“For many decades, federal agencies have been issuing thousands of pages of so-called ‘guidance’ documents — a pernicious kind of regulation imposed by unaccountable bureaucrats in the form of commentary on how rules should be interpreted,” the president continued. “Because of these materials and the fact that these materials are too often hidden and hard to find, many Americans learn of the rules only when federal agents come knocking on the door.”

“Guidance documents” can take the form of blog posts, letters, brochures, and other forms of communications that aren’t proper federal regulations and don’t go through the public process for them.

The president added that a regulatory system like this “gravely undermines our constitutional system of government” and that “a permanent federal bureaucracy cannot become a fourth branch of government, unanswerable to American voters.”

The second executive order aims to protect people from secretive interpretations of existing regulations and unexpected penalties by requiring that no person should be subjected to regulatory enforcement “absent prior public notice of both the enforcing agency’s jurisdiction over particular conduct and the legal standards applicable to that conduct.”

Present at the signing event was Andy Johnson, a Wyoming rancher who, during the Obama administration, was surprised with $16 million in fines from the Environmental Protection Agency for trying to build a pond on his own property. The Obama administration eventually settled after the story and the resulting court case gained national attention.

“About five years ago, when I applied for a stock pond permit for my private property, I had no idea that the EPA would come knocking at my door and threaten me and my family — civilly, criminally, and a fine of $37,500 per day,” Johnson said at the ceremony. “We won our case, but unlike a lot of other middle class Americans, that’s not the case. … The litigation was way, way too expensive.”

In a statement to Blaze Media, acting Office of Management and Budget director Russ Vought said that Wednesday’s orders “give this Administration the tools to defend Americans’ freedom and liberty against off-the-book regulations and prevent unfair penalties from being levied on American families and businesses by rogue agencies.”

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WILL LIBERAL MEDIA REPORT THIS? — VIDEO and PHOTOS — Ukrainian Parliamentarian Andriy Derkach Reveals Burisma Holdings Paid JOE BIDEN $900,000 for Lobbying

Ukrainian Pariamentarian Andriy Derkach (pictured) held a press conference on Wednesday in Ukraine.

In his press conference Derkach revealed that Joe Biden was paid $900,000 for lobbying efforts from Burisma Holdings in Ukraine.

Derkach even brought charts and images as proof during his presentation.

This is the same organization that paid Hunter Biden over $50,000 a month to sit on their board in an obvious pay-for-play maneuver.

Cristina Laila reported on this development on Wednesday…

Burisma Holdings Paid Joe Biden $900,000 For Lobbying Activities

Former Vice President Joe Biden was personally paid $900,000 for lobbying activities from Burisma Holdings, according to Ukrainian MP Andriy Derkach.

Derkach publicized the documents at a press conference at the Interfax-Ukraine agency Wednesday as he said the records, “describe the mechanism of getting money by Biden Sr.”

“This was the transfer of Burisma Group’s funds for lobbying activities, as investigators believe, personally to Joe Biden through a lobbying company. Funds in the amount of $900,000 were transferred to the U.S.-based company Rosemont Seneca Partners, which according to open sources, in particular, the New York Times, is affiliated with Biden. The payment reference was payment for consultative services,” Derkach said.

During his press conference Derkach even displayed images and a timeline of Joe Biden’s nefarious dealings in the Ukraine.

The entire press conference by Andriy Derkach was recorded and posted online.

For some strange reason the liberal mainstream media has no interest in this story?
Weird, huh?

The post WILL LIBERAL MEDIA REPORT THIS? — VIDEO and PHOTOS — Ukrainian Parliamentarian Andriy Derkach Reveals Burisma Holdings Paid JOE BIDEN $900,000 for Lobbying appeared first on The Gateway Pundit.

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‘South Park’ Punches Back: ‘F**k the Chinese Government’

South Park escalated its criticism of the Chinese communist regime on Wednesday, with lead character Randy Marsh at one point saying “fuck the Chinese government.”

In the episode Shots, which was coincidentally the show’s 300th episode, Stan Marsh’s father Randy is running a weed business selling product to China.

When confronted about the country’s human rights abuses by his former business partner Towelie, he agrees to stop selling to China over ethical concerns. In an effort to convince Towelie that he is sincere, Randy begins shouting: “Fuck the Chinese government.”

The episode comes days after the show’s creators, Trey Parker and Matt Stone, issued a fake apology the communist regime after Chinese authorities banned the Comedy Central show following last week’s episode that called out the nation’s rampant censorship.

“Like the NBA, we welcome the Chinese censors into our homes and into our hearts. We, too, love money more than freedom and democracy,” the apology read. “Xi doesn’t look just like Winnie the Pooh at all. Tune into our 300th episode this Wednesday at 10! Long live the Great Communist Party of China! May this autumn’s sorghum harvest be bountiful! We good now, China?”

Last week’s episode, entitled Band in China, also mocks jokes about China’s crackdown on Winnie the Pooh, whose character has repeatedly been compared to Chinese President Xi Jinping.

The episode also takes a dig at Hollywood’s willingness to bend to Beijing’s censorship demands when Stan and his crew are approached American director working for the Chinese film company about making a biopic of their heavy metal rock band.

“You got to lower your ideals of freedom if you want to suck on the warm teat of China,” the director says at one point. “Everyone else is fine with China approving our entertainment. Even the PC Babies don’t seem to mind. And PC Babies cry about everything!”

Follow Ben Kew on Facebook, Twitter at @ben_kew, or email him at bkew@breitbart.com.

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‘They Suck’ — Trump Rips Fox News Poll Showing Record Impeachment Support

President Donald Trump on Thursday blasted Fox News and several of its on-air employees over its poll that found a record 51 percent of voters believe he should be impeached and removed from office.

“From the day I announced I was running for President, I have NEVER had a good @FoxNews Poll,” the president wrote on Twitter. “Whoever their Pollster is, they suck. But @FoxNews is also much different than it used to be in the good old days. With people like Andrew Napolitano, who wanted to be a Supreme Court Justice & I turned him down (he’s been terrible ever since), Shep Smith, @donnabrazile (who gave Crooked Hillary the debate questions & got fired from @CNN), & others, @FoxNews doesn’t deliver for US anymore. It is so different than it used to be.”

“Oh well, I’m President!” he added.

The survey comes as House Democrats are attempting to move swiftly with an impeachment inquiry against President Trump that was launched in the wake of a partisan CIA officer’s so-called “whistleblower” complaint claiming the president pressure the leader of Ukraine to look into allegations of corruption against former vice president and 2020 candidate Joe Biden and his son, Hunter. Both presidents have denied any pressure was applied to probe Biden, and in a nod to transparency, the White House publically released a transcript of the world leaders’ July 25th conversation to show no wrongdoing occurred.

President Trump’s Thursday comments are not the first time he has taken aim at Fox News. In late August, the president ripped the news network for allowing Democrats to push their talking points unchallenged.

“The New Fox News is letting millions of GREAT people down!” the president tweeted at the time. “We have to start looking for a new News Outlet. Fox isn’t working for us anymore!”

“Just watched Fox News heavily promoting the Democrats through their DNC Communications Director, spewing out whatever she wanted with zero pushback by anchor, Sandra Smith,” he added.

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Some toxic implications for impeachment-happy Democrats, from Axios, of all places

As the mainstream press falls all over itself to blare about a poll of dubious quality, claiming that most voters want President Trump out of office, center-left Axios of all places, has some warnings of toxic implications for Democrats if they push their impeachment dream as they’re now doing, and they go well beyond the typical warning that Trump is likely to win:
 

It’s looking more likely by the day that President Trump will be impeached by the House for his dealings with Ukraine. But if he is acquitted by the Senate — and then goes on to win a second term — Democrats will face a predicament neither party has confronted in U.S. history.

Why it matters: If Trump survives politically and is re-elected to serve another four years, Congress likely would have nowhere left to go in the event of another scandal, legal and political experts say — not because the House couldn’t impeach him again, but because it might be politically impossible to do so.

Axios interviewed political experts to warn about just how bad it will be for Democrats if they get away with this, particularly since many scenarios show that they aren’t going to win. Among others, there’s the argument that Democrats are likely to get just one shot at this stunt, effectively making themselves out of ammo if Trump gets reelected and they come back for more. 

A second impeachment would risk “a political blowback in the midterm elections if Democrats are seen as nothing but a political party that wants to railroad, witch hunt, whatever you want to call it, this president,” said Jim Robenalt, an Ohio-based lawyer who created a continuing legal education program with former White House counsel John Dean about Watergate.

Hard to do when you’ve shot your bolt.

The one exception might be if they drag it all on through the election (instead of getting it over with at the end of the year, as they promise they will do) which would carry political costs of its own for them, dragging, dragging, dragging the whole impeach-Trump thing into the years. The idea would be to win back the Senate and then with both Houses against Trump, just vote him out together instead of watch their move fail in the GOP-controlled Senate.

It seems as though they haven’t thought these things though. So much for House Speaker Nancy Pelosi being a master strategist. It’s a spot of good news to hear that Democrats can pay a very big political price for this kangaroo court maneuver.

Read the whole thing here.

Photo illustration by Monica Showalter with use of image by Tom Childers, via Flickr // CC BY-SA 2.0 and public domain source.

As the mainstream press falls all over itself to blare about a poll of dubious quality, claiming that most voters want President Trump out of office, center-left Axios of all places, has some warnings of toxic implications for Democrats if they push their impeachment dream as they’re now doing, and they go well beyond the typical warning that Trump is likely to win:
 

It’s looking more likely by the day that President Trump will be impeached by the House for his dealings with Ukraine. But if he is acquitted by the Senate — and then goes on to win a second term — Democrats will face a predicament neither party has confronted in U.S. history.

Why it matters: If Trump survives politically and is re-elected to serve another four years, Congress likely would have nowhere left to go in the event of another scandal, legal and political experts say — not because the House couldn’t impeach him again, but because it might be politically impossible to do so.

Axios interviewed political experts to warn about just how bad it will be for Democrats if they get away with this, particularly since many scenarios show that they aren’t going to win. Among others, there’s the argument that Democrats are likely to get just one shot at this stunt, effectively making themselves out of ammo if Trump gets reelected and they come back for more. 

A second impeachment would risk “a political blowback in the midterm elections if Democrats are seen as nothing but a political party that wants to railroad, witch hunt, whatever you want to call it, this president,” said Jim Robenalt, an Ohio-based lawyer who created a continuing legal education program with former White House counsel John Dean about Watergate.

Hard to do when you’ve shot your bolt.

The one exception might be if they drag it all on through the election (instead of getting it over with at the end of the year, as they promise they will do) which would carry political costs of its own for them, dragging, dragging, dragging the whole impeach-Trump thing into the years. The idea would be to win back the Senate and then with both Houses against Trump, just vote him out together instead of watch their move fail in the GOP-controlled Senate.

It seems as though they haven’t thought these things though. So much for House Speaker Nancy Pelosi being a master strategist. It’s a spot of good news to hear that Democrats can pay a very big political price for this kangaroo court maneuver.

Read the whole thing here.

Photo illustration by Monica Showalter with use of image by Tom Childers, via Flickr // CC BY-SA 2.0 and public domain source.

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Levin: Dems Are ‘Eviscerating Our System of Law’ for Trump Impeachment

Wednesday on his nationally syndicated radio show, conservative talker Mark Levin, author of “Unfreedom of the Press,” criticized the process by which House Democrats are pursuing impeachment against President Donald Trump.

Levin emphasized the necessity of due process in order to have fair and just proceedings.

“Due process is necessary,” he said. “The right to call witnesses is necessary. The right to cross-examine other witnesses is necessary. The right to have counsel is necessary. The right to participate fully in the process is necessary.”

He went on to declare this impeachment process, which differs from that of former Presidents Andrew Johnson, Richard Nixon and Bill Clinton, the evisceration of the system of law by House Democrats.

“They used to talk about Russia for two and a half years,” Levin added. “They used to talk about the Mueller report. They used to talk about volume 2 of the Mueller report. They used to demand grand jury information. They have failed on every single front. So now it’s Ukraine, and they don’t intend to fail this time, you see. Because they are going to violate — violate — the procedures that have been in place in the House of Representatives for Andrew Johnson, Richard Nixon, and Bill Clinton. It is they who are eviscerating our system of law. It is they who need to be held to account.”

(h/t CR)

Follow Jeff Poor on Twitter @jeff_poor

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Chick-fil-A Employee Climbs Down Storm Drain to Save Customer’s Phone

A Chick-fil-A employee in Stafford, Virginia, climbed down a storm drain to retrieve a phone that a customer had accidentally dropped in the sewer. “This is Seth,” said the customer, “He is also now my hero and favorite Chick-fil-A employee.”

Chick-fil-A employees are known for transcending typical customer service exceptions, and earlier this month, one woman experienced this first-hand when an employee climbed down a storm drain to retrieve her iPhone, which she had accidentally dropped in a sewer while getting out of her van, according to a report by ABC 13 News.

“I park at our local Chick-fil-A and as I go to get my son out of the van, no joke, my phone drops and bounces right into the storm drain I’m parked next too,” wrote the customer, Shauna, on Facebook. “After a moment of loosing my freakin’ mind, I lay on the ground — looking into the dark abyss to see if by any chance it has landed somewhere I can reach. Of course it has not.”

Shauna, who also mentioned she had recently paid off her iPhone, said that she was in disbelief and began to cry, and then went into Chick-fil-A to ask for a manager.

“The manager comes over to talk to me and is very friendly but unsure how to help,” wrote Shauna. “Just then another employee behind her says he is going to grab a grab-stick and a mirror to try and help — without hesitation, and in his uniform, he lays on the ground and attempts to locate the phone.”

“He can’t see it either and we both realize the worse. It has in fact fallen dead smack in the middle, down the actual drainage hole,” she added. “So we go back inside where we go to a table as my son is hungry and I still can’t believe what has happened.”

Shauna said that the Chick-fil-A employee — whose name is Seth — then notified her that he had refunded her order. “Thanking him, I tell him he didn’t have to do that, but he tells me it was no problem as I’m clearly already having a bad day,” she wrote.

The customer said that Seth then joined her and her son in the booth, where he called the county to ask for assistance.

“They hang up on him,” said Shauna, who added that when they later went back out to the parking lot, they noticed that the storm drain cover was not bolted down. Shauna then describes what happened next.

So we try to lift it. It’s really heavy so he does most the lifting and ends up slicing his finger open. After running in quickly to clean the wound, he is able to remove the cover and there at the very bottom of the drain hole is my phone. After trying to reach it with his grab-stick then dropping his stick, he tells me it’s a manhole for a reason and he is going down. He then climbs down into the hole and retrieves my phone which miraculously is not broken or wet. I was so thankful I freaking hugged him. Not only did he slice his finger and was filthy from laying on the ground and climbing in the hole, I find out he had actually just gotten off shift and was still willing to help me.

“So this is Seth. Turns out he is also the store’s Digital Marketing Director,” said Shauna. “He is also now my hero and favorite Chick-fil-A employee.”

“As he was about to climb out of the hole he asked me to snap a picture so he could show his girlfriend what he did at work today,” she added. “Just another day at Chick-fil-A.”

You can follow Alana Mastrangelo on Twitter at @ARmastrangelo and on Instagram.

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