Kim Jong Un Brought His Own Portable Toilet To The Singapore Summit

North Korea’s Supreme Leader Kim Jong Un doesn’t travel anywhere without his own, personal john — and that includes an all-important denuclearization summit in North Korea.

According to the Washington Post, Kim’s travel entourage comes complete with a bullet-proof limousine and a tamper-proof toilet, lest some sleuthing Singaporeans manage to get their hands on Kim Jong Un’s dirty business.

“Rather than using a public restroom, the leader of North Korea has a personal toilet that follows him around when he travels,” one source, a former North Korean military member told the WaPo.

The portable toilet protects the North Korean leader from individuals seeking information about his health, the source added – “a literal info dump:” “The leader’s excretions contain information about his health status so they can’t be left behind.”

The plan is, “to deny determined sewer divers insights into the supreme leader’s stools.”

The North Korean leader also brings all of his own pens, pencils, and reams of personal paper, lest he touch something that’s been laced with poison, and thoroughly inspects any temporary living arrangements.

But for Kim, the need for a portable potty is nearly pathological. In fact, according to the same Washington Post source, Kim Jong Un has a fleet of portable toilets ready to lend a hand — or a seat — in any situation.

“The restrooms are not only in Kim Jong Un’s personal train but whatever small or midsize cars he is traveling with and even in special vehicles that are designed for mountainous terrain or snow,” the source said. It’s also a secret which car he’s traveling with holds the hidden sewer system; when he has to go to the bathroom on a road trip, no one is allowed to reveal where he’s taking a tinkle.

Apparently, according to the DailyO, the practice of investigating dictators’ poop is well established; Josef Stalin’s secret police collected the turds of his enemies to dissect, and the U.S. once spoke, at least tangentially, about the possibility of collecting a sample from Mikhail Gorbachev (the gave up on the plan, reportedly, because he was staying at a hotel, where the excrement was contained in a communal tank).

Kim Jong Un is also said to suffer from a variety of ailments, including “gout, diabetes, high-blood pressure, a sexually-transmitted disease and psychological issues.”

Of course, the question whose answer no reporter has been able to determine is what happens to the poop once the North Korean leader heads back to his home country. As far as reporters on the ground can tell, it flies home with Dear Leader to be disposed of within his country’s borders.