You Knew This Was Coming: Arming Teachers Is Racist

Thanks to racism, we can’t have nice things. Or in this case, safe things. Following the Florida school shooting conservatives (sane people) have suggested arming and training teachers as a commonsense way of keeping students safe. The Florida State Legislature just passed a law allowing for this, but wouldn’t you know it, liberals (insane people) say that arming teachers is racist. Why? Because everything is racist. Duh.

KMIZ reports:

Florida lawmakers celebrated the passage of a school safety bill on Wednesday in response to last month’s shooting in Parkland. But the bill left some with a new concern.

Parents, civil rights groups and some Democratic lawmakers warn that part of the Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School Public Safety Act could have deadly unintended consequences for students of color.

The measure in question establishes a voluntary “guardian” program that allows personnel who meet certain criteria to carry firearms in schools‎.

As you’ve probably guessed, “unintended consequences for students of color” spells racism with a capital “R.”

Democrats in the Republican-controlled House and Senate fought unsuccessfully to remove the controversial provision from the legislation. They argued that minority students — who are often subject to disproportionate levels of punishment compared to their white counterparts and are more likely to be mistaken for perpetrators — could become targets.

Here’s a fun quote from one black mom:

“They’re going to be targeted. It’s going to be target practice,” said mother of three Sulaya Williams.

I’m not sure this woman understands what target practice is, but that’s unimportant now because of this:

“We’ve already been traumatized and looking over our shoulder after everything that happened with Trayvon Martin and what happened in Ferguson and everywhere else and now we’re going to be sitting here wondering are our kids going to be targets while going to school?” Williams continued.

I guess she could teach her children not to assault armed citizens and police officers to avoid getting shot, but that’s probably racist too.

Rep. Tracie Davis, a Democrat who represents part of Duval County in northeastern Florida, said the issue of gun violence “affects our communities in a way that some in this chamber will never understand.”

Rep. Cynthia Stafford, another Miami-area Democrat, called it a “dangerous policy.” She said she heard from parents and students who do not want more guns in schools, “So why are we doing this?” she asked.

Stafford cited the impact of implicit bias — a term that refers to unconscious attitudes that impact our actions and decisions — on people of color as another factor that makes the program dangerous.

“I’m worried a black or brown boy running down the hall like anybody else to get to safety reaches in his pocket to pull out his cell phone could be mistaken for [a] shooter,” said Stafford.

But wait, this racism is so bad it attacks the plan to arm teachers from every angle:

She also expressed concern that a minority school staffer serving as guardian with a gun would be seen not as protector, but as a perpetrator.

The basic gist is that white people shouldn’t have guns because they will use them to kill minorities and minorities can’t have guns because white people will kill them too. Also that guns are so freakin’ evil that if that if white people have them they won’t be able to resist their racist urges to shoot innocent black children.

There is one silver lining in this story: I finally found something that isn’t racist in a world where everything is racist. Apparently keeping schools as “gun-free” zones and mass shooter magnets is not racist. Ensuring that students are not safe from mass slaughter is the one thing that doesn’t qualify as racism.

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